"Bad news: we have space herpes. But, Captain, it's kinda… cute?" –7/9/2020

"Something is not right and I feel like it's inappropriate to put my finger on it."
[later]
"Look, I know I got tits? But I gotta fly a ship right now." –4/30/2020

“I am going to put a firecracker in your cloaca.” – 4/16/2020

“Okay, now I can hear your meat bag.” – 3/19/2020

"Dead fuckboys get no trim." – 8/8/2019

"That landed in my trotch!"
"What the fuck is your trotch?"
"It’s like… the pre-taint?"
"So, YOUR BALLS?!” – 4/5/2018

"What’s wrong with her?"
"Vulcan brain herpes." – 3/22/2018

"For the good of the Federation my penis shall activate.” – 3/22/2018

"These are my piloting chaps.” – 1/11/2018

"Seventh rule: no titty punching during Red alert!" – 9/20/17

"She's very proficient with F-bombs. She's the F-bombardier!" – 4/6/2017

"No yiffing at the controls! Or do, if you think it helps; I ain't gonna kink shame. Just not in front of the Admirals." – 1/12/2017

"How do you control for poopsocks?!" – 9/8/2016

"We will just begin to weave the infinity boners…" – 3/24/2016

"Jesus, how did i get to be Captain of the U.S.S. Bone Patrol?" – 1/7/2016

"We are not snorting the alien for science!" – 1/7/2016

"Strap on your banana-hammock, it's about to get serious." – 11/19/2015

"So 'Operation: Romulan Snuggles' is a go?" – 3/26/2015

"You can rub you dick on as many Romulan ships as you want."
"Oh, yeah!" – 2/26/2015

"Do NOT boop the Klingon!" – 1/8/2015

"…i have a very refined and well shaped 'science.'"
"We know, we saw it in your Speedo."
"It had ridges." – 12/11/14